Excuses for not coming?

Lots of people have excuses for not attending their class reunions. I'm already hearing some from PV 2000-ers. See if yours is below. Then see what I have to say about it.

Excuse: "I live too far away."
Response: I totally understand this, especially if life is complicated by grad school or a growing family, but this is your one chance to see your classmates all in one place 10 years later. If you're on the fence about making the trip, think about this: I guarantee you'll feel the pangs of regret when we post pictures from the reunion on Facebook and on this blog.

Excuse: "I have to work. Can't get it off."
Response: Um, no. There's nothing legit about this excuse. Anyone who uses it will be put on the toilet-papering list, even if you live 600 miles away. Don't try me, seriously. I get this Captain Ahab syndrome sometimes. This excuse would definitely set it off.

Excuse: "I don't want to spend the money."
Response: Look, we turned down some very good options, such as holding the reunion at a classier venue, because we were sensitive to the impact the economy might have had on our classmates. If you pay before July 4, it's only $15 per person for two days. Good luck finding that deal anywhere else, and we have a unique product: Your classmates in one place and a heaping dose of nostalgia. You've dropped $15 on a steak before, so don't tell me cost is an issue.

Excuse: "I have better things to do."
Response: Really? How would people react if I had said "I have better things to do than plan this reunion?" I'd be slayed, rightfully so, which is your fate if you use this excuse. Seriously, the committee has put in lots of hours trying to make the reunion fun and inviting to everyone in the class. We want this to be a memorable weekend for everyone. Don't bring that attitude in here! If you're currently using this as your excuse for not coming, repent now and all will be forgiven. Just know, though, that it's the lamest excuse of all — nobody's bigger than this reunion. Nobody, yo.

Excuse: "My spouse doesn't want to come."
Response: You have two options. (1) Don't make him/her come. Who's forcing them? (2) Let them know that you want to go and you'd like them to support you. It's one weekend every five or 10 years, yo. They can do that for you. And they might just have a good time (especially if they let their hair down during the toilet-papering spree).

Excuse: "I didn't enjoy high school."
Response: What, pray tell, does that have to do with anything? Everyone had things they liked and disliked about high school, but a reunion is only partly about nostalgia. You can't ignore that your alma mater is a part of who you are, helped shape you to some extent, and staying in touch once or twice a decade is a healthy practice.

Excuse: "There's nobody from high school I want to see."
Response: What a crock. Look, I get it. It's the trendy thing to hate your high school experience. But don't kid yourself — everyone has people they want to see, even if it's just out of curiosity. Did you know that Colt Smith is now a hasidic Jew? Did you know that Dexter Vowles lectures on the Industrial Revolution these days? Did you know I drive a freakin' minivan? This, and much more, at the 10-year reunion.