Ben Penick hearts Peter Stuercke

Folks, this is getting serious. Some people in the class are jonesing to see their old buddies so bad, they're resorting to stalking and lurking (I prefer harassment as my tactic of choice). Case in point: I just received the following text message transcript, courtesy of my special hacker friend, of an exchange between Ben Penick and Peter Stuercke:

BEN: Hey Peter! This is Ben Penick. Long time no see. I was just hoping you were going to be at the reunion, cuz I wanna see you.

PETER: Yeah, I'm planning on it. My wife takes care of all that stuff (re: registration).

BEN: OK, awesome. Can't wait. Be sure to register soon b/c the price goes way up after July 31. How's life? I miss you.

[Presumably a long, awkward moment for Peter as he mulls how to respond.]

PETER: K, miss you too. Life's good, can't complain. How about you?

BEN: Oh, so good. I love being a fireman, even if it doesn't keep me from lighting my house on fire with my BBQ grill. Married, with kids, just living the good life in Payson. Can't wait to see you at the reunion. I seriously miss you ... a lot.

[Peter is presumably a little weirded out now, so he tries to get the conversation to fizzle with a short response.]

PETER: Whelp, see you at the reunion.

BEN: I love you.

[For Peter, it just went from awkward to four-alarm creepy. Does he respond?]

PETER: Ha ha, you too bro.

BEN: No, seriously. Ever since elementary school, I've just really loved you, man. Remember how we used to do fight clubs at recess? One time, Colby Thomas KICKED MY EYE! How crazy is that?

[OK, the elementary context takes a little edge off, but Peter still wants this conversation dead. He gives it his best shot.]

PETER: Yep, those were the days. Anyway, about to head to bed. See you next month.

BEN: I love you like a brother. A soulmate. I hope you feel the same.

[Peter feigns like he is off to bed, doesn't respond.]

BEN: I'm on your lawn. Sometimes I hide outside at night and watch you through the windows. You're seriously the coolest person I know. Glad we're friends, Pete!

[Peter makes an audible yelp, and contemplates calling the cops. He looks out the window, but doesn't see anyone.]

BEN: Sometimes, I let myself into your pad through a window (BTW, the window in your living room doesn't lock well). When you're asleep, I just stand over your bed and watch you slumber, all the while thinking, "This guy is the epitome of cool." One time I even used your toothbrush. I wanted to try on your clothes, but you know, I'm really freakin' tall.


***Disclaimer: This is fake, although Ben and Peter were texting last night (Ben was at my house for a planning meeting). Just thought you could use a laugh after all the mafia-style threats and intimidation (which will continue unless you stragglers register ASAP).